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indicative, subjunctive, and sometimes imperative
Ummm, wtf? I'm seriously frightened by this one. Vulva Original is not cologne or perfume, it is concentrated, simulated "vaginal scent" that you are supposed to apply to the back of your hand so you can intensify "your erotic fantasies and start the film rolling in your head." The FAQs section of the site is pretty choice... unfortunately it doesn't include the question that has been on my mind, "Does naming it 'original' mean that there are other exciting Vulva scents coming out such as Vulva: Menstruation and Vulva: Yeast Infection?" It turns out the development page answers that question... while the smell of menstruation and yeast is so not hot right now, apparently Vulva will soon come out with Vulva: Eighteen and Vulva: Exotic. You know, because barely legal and "exoticized other" vaginas totally smell different than original vaginas. I can only shudder to think what those scent masters will think to infuse into those concoctions (I can just picture the board meeting with a bunch of middle-aged white pervs demanding essence of lollipop and Chinese five-spice).

"It's just unbelievable that someone would do something to a poor, defenseless animal and do it in such a cruel fashion," he said.
The peacock, a male several years old, wandered into a Staten Island Burger King parking lot and perched on a car hood Thursday morning. Charmed employees had been feeding him bread when the man appeared. He seized the iridescent bird by the neck, hurled it to the ground and started kicking and stomping the creature, said worker Felicia Finnegan, 19.
"He was going crazy," she said.
Asked what he was doing, she said, the attacker explained, "'I'm killing a vampire!'"
Employees called police, but the man ran when he saw them. Authorities were looking for the attacker, described as being in his teens or early 20s. It was not clear how the bird made his way to the Burger King, but a Staten Island resident who raises peacocks said he had given some to a person who lives near the restaurant.