11 December 2006

Imagined FanFiction...

So I am sooo into Top Chef that usually by Monday I start getting antsy for the next episode. Especially now that I found out the host for the show is none other than Salmon Rushdie's wife - strange world huh? I know that fanfiction is usually reserved for programs or movies that are far more embedded in our ummm "cultural imaginary" and far less ephemeral than Top Chef, but I present to you my fan fiction between contestant Marcel and head judge, Chef Tom Calickio (look, I know I am not spelling it right, okay?):

Chef Tom Calickio: Marcel, you've crafted this foam of giraffe confit with grated rhubarb and a whisper of saffron into a shape that resembles your hair.

Marcel: Yes, I have. I call it "Wolverine Junior."

Chef Calickio: But to what end Marcel? To what end? And this refresher on the plate that makes up the duo... can you tell me about it and the thought behind it?

Marcel: I call the duo "If the X-Men Were Translated into a Pretentious Food Dish" and the refresher is made from swiss chard, prickly pear, and the menstrual fluid of a small doe, hereafer referred to as "Juice-alee." You know... like Jubilee but ummm not a girl superhero, rather a refresher.

Chef Calickio: And the virtue in that Marcel, the virtue?!?

Marcel: Sigh... the X-Men were all about virtue Chef.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Veritable magic...

That's how I describe Top Chef. More than mere ephemera, it's the great drama of our time, a narrative of creation and artistry.

It features a variety of personalities and addictions. And a range of hotness--very little to very much (Sam).

More than that, it provides its audience with a chic vocabulary that enables our middle class pretensions:

"Martha, I can't believe you just threw me under the bus last night."

"The flavors are there, but the presentation? That amuse bouche looks like Gatsby's regurgitated catfood..."

Okay, that's all I have to say about the important cultural work of T.C. Don't take off the necklace.

mar said...

oh miss perky, not only have I not taken my necklace off but I just shed a solitary teardrop at the beauty of your prose and the knowledge of your distance

mr.mhhs said...

so, with that hairdo, does he actually cook without dying of laughter at himself?

mar said...

hey mr.,

he actually takes himself way too seriously (and with that hair, who wouldn't). I'm surprised that his coif hasn't caused a segment on Top Chef entitled "A Lesson About Hair Nets" - although I suppose I could use one after that hair you found in those brownies I made at the English potluck.