I Just Broke Up With My Cable Box

I kicked it out at 12:21 PM (CST) - it only took two cables and one mere power cord to bring a year and a half of procrastinatory joy to its end. What can I say? It just didn't work out - at first it seemed like we had so many of the same interests that reinforced the conception I held of myself before the box moved in. We would giggle at the Daily Show every midnight and watch CNN Headline News as I furrowed my brow and crunched on cereal, but then the box tried to change me...One day I'm watching Chappelle Show reruns and the next day, all of a sudden it's 7pm, I haven't gotten dressed and I'm watching a Real World marathon on MTV and recounting to my friends that I can't believe that Jen slept with Alex after he and Colie made out the night before. Pretty soon, I know what time the hour block of Golden Girls comes on Lifetime television for women and I start planning my work around it. Did I mention the countless meals I consumed on the floor of my apartment as I stared raptly up at my television screen? The cable box turned me into this sick person that I didn't even recognize.

I gave the box a great last day - we watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on TNT (now that's a commitment, okay?). And finally, a really awesomely bad horror movie with quite possibly one of the funniest demonic possession/cunnilingus/chainsaw scenes I have ever seen (okay, the only one, but still, it was pretty funny).