merry christmas

This year for Christmas I got the stomach flu - it's a wonderful present that arrived early and when it seemed like it was going away, playfully returned when I tried to eat solid food to remind me that I do, in fact, love projectile narfing at four in the morning and then sobbing as I wipe up what didn't make it into the toilet. Who knew that what I needed most on Christmas would be disinfectant? And I'm not bitter in the least that, as my entire family feasted like locusts on a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, I got to eat a delightfully jiggly bowl of Jello. Jello looks really cool, you know? I mean, have you ever really looked at Jello? It's like taking a trip into a crystal palace, but one that moves.

What I've really come to realize though, the neatest thing about stomach flu is that for at least the next week or so, I'm going to be so paranoid about anything that I eat because who knows what's going to happen to it when it hits my intestinal track. That really makes you appreciate the mystery of life, you know what I mean? And I think that's what Christmas is really all about.