NBA Player Hater Saturday: Jordan "Make a Wish" Farmar

Mr. MHHS nominated the hated rookie player of the year... the award goes to Jordan Farmer. In part because the Lakers blew it last night in their triple overtime game against the Charlotte Bobcats, but mostly because he is physical-defect fugly. Perhaps the picture to the left, where Farmar is apparently pointing off in the distance to nothing while pretending to extrude a basketball out of his ass and tasting the air with outstretched tongue clears up any questions.

Happy New Year Jordan! Remember: try not to drink too much, as alcohol can have irrevocable effects on people's lives (as Mr. MHHS was quick to point out with me in the case of Farmar).

I No Longer Care That I Am Sick...

Update: Currently playing Animal Crossing: Wildworld
Anticipating: April 2007 Release of The Settlers

merry christmas

This year for Christmas I got the stomach flu - it's a wonderful present that arrived early and when it seemed like it was going away, playfully returned when I tried to eat solid food to remind me that I do, in fact, love projectile narfing at four in the morning and then sobbing as I wipe up what didn't make it into the toilet. Who knew that what I needed most on Christmas would be disinfectant? And I'm not bitter in the least that, as my entire family feasted like locusts on a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, I got to eat a delightfully jiggly bowl of Jello. Jello looks really cool, you know? I mean, have you ever really looked at Jello? It's like taking a trip into a crystal palace, but one that moves.

What I've really come to realize though, the neatest thing about stomach flu is that for at least the next week or so, I'm going to be so paranoid about anything that I eat because who knows what's going to happen to it when it hits my intestinal track. That really makes you appreciate the mystery of life, you know what I mean? And I think that's what Christmas is really all about.

NBA Player Hater Saturday: A.I.

I've been watching a lot of basketball in the last 24 hours or so: I caught most of the Lakers/Nets game last night, saw UCLA massacre Michigan this morning (I'm biased of course, but the Bruins are looking really tight this year), and the Clippers beat Houston tonight (although most likely because Yao got injured early in the game - he broke a bone in his knee and will be out for at least six weeks). I've watched with especial disgust over the past couple of weeks about the whole Allen Iverson trade talk. I think what grosses me out the most is the way everyone goes on about him and the way Iverson goes on about himself. Where did the nickname "The Answer" come from anyway? The last couple years he just got worse and worse in terms of hubris (his rap album under the name of Jewels anyone? urinating in public? acting out on the 76ers with Chris Webber? sigh...).

Maybe I should go easier on him - we actually grew up in the same town in Virginia. OH wait, but I actually turned out to be a nice person. Anyway, if anyone has any legitimate, basketball related reasons to hate on Iverson, you can certainly help my specious argument out...

It Fucking Got Me

I evaded it in Urbana, but when my uncle couldn't pick me up at the airport because he had the stomach flu and I knew we were to share the same bathroom and kitchen that my luck had run out. I feel like dying right now.

Having trouble sitting up. I fucking hate this.

I Would So Eat This...

December 19, 2006 / December 19, 1994

So I arrived to my grandparents house in Sherman Oaks (in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles) today and will be here for the next three weeks or so. Every time I come back, I usually go through the stuff I have stored here over the years : there are a lot of pictures, letters, schoolwork, and writing I saved over time. This includes several diaries I kept - I thought it would be neat to match up a day from the past with the current date - while not always the most riveting reading (at least not this entry - but I can really emote in other ones!), it is fun to crack up about the doofy stuff I use to think about. On December 19, 1994 I had just arrived to my grandparents house in Sherman Oaks too (at the time I was living in Sonoma with my other grandparents but my brother had already lived down here for two years). I was a freshman in high school and basically a dork who loved eating junk food and watching 3-2-1 Contact - including one of my favorite segments, Mathnet!
December 19, 1994:
I arrived in LaLaLand today and at the moment puking up Gummy Worms... well not really puking. Woke up at 7 (I got about 6.25 hours of sleep), airport, etc. We came to the house and lounged around, then Frank and I went to the supermarket to get snacks for throughout the week - he can drive now!!! When we were at the market, I saw a celebrity... the guy from Mathnet. Not exactly my favorite person in the world, but pretty cool. I think I'll get hair dye and dye my hair black like Mia Wallace, or maybe red. I don't know... I'll ask Frank to help me with it. So things are pretty good. We had Chinese food for dinner.

I Just Broke Up With My Cable Box

I kicked it out at 12:21 PM (CST) - it only took two cables and one mere power cord to bring a year and a half of procrastinatory joy to its end. What can I say? It just didn't work out - at first it seemed like we had so many of the same interests that reinforced the conception I held of myself before the box moved in. We would giggle at the Daily Show every midnight and watch CNN Headline News as I furrowed my brow and crunched on cereal, but then the box tried to change me...One day I'm watching Chappelle Show reruns and the next day, all of a sudden it's 7pm, I haven't gotten dressed and I'm watching a Real World marathon on MTV and recounting to my friends that I can't believe that Jen slept with Alex after he and Colie made out the night before. Pretty soon, I know what time the hour block of Golden Girls comes on Lifetime television for women and I start planning my work around it. Did I mention the countless meals I consumed on the floor of my apartment as I stared raptly up at my television screen? The cable box turned me into this sick person that I didn't even recognize.

I gave the box a great last day - we watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on TNT (now that's a commitment, okay?). And finally, a really awesomely bad horror movie with quite possibly one of the funniest demonic possession/cunnilingus/chainsaw scenes I have ever seen (okay, the only one, but still, it was pretty funny).

The World Waits With Baited Breath Wondering... What Will Happen to Melo?

Okay, maybe I'm just wondering what is going to happen to Carmelo Anthony after the brawl between the Nuggets and the Knicks last night (thanks to Mr. MHHS for texting me with the news). Marty Burns (sportsillustrated online blogger) suspects a 5 to 10 game suspension, but also insists in his column today:

"In the end, Anthony will be the one hurt the most by Saturday's bad scene. The fourth-year forward was just starting to repair an image that had been somewhat tarnished by an earlier pot bust in his NBA career (he claimed it belonged to a friend) as well as an appearance he had made in a drug dealer's video. He not only was leading the league in scoring this season, but he had earned praise from Karl and Team USA coach Mike Krzyzewski for his leadership and overall play."

NBA Player-Hater Saturday: Chris Kaman, King of the Fuglies

With two weeks left of 2006, it's that time to start thinking about the top moments of the year... you know the moments that you carry with you beyond a mere year and remember for a lifetime. Where were you on April 29, 2006?

That's right, Kaman got grabbed in the roundies by Reggie Evans.

His interview in the clip is absolutely incoherent. That may be because, according to the wikipedia article on Kaman, he suffers from ADHD and "as a child he used to tear shingles off of neighbors' rooftops." Ummm, that's not frightening behavior that portends he may end up serially killing human beings later in life or anything. Did I mention the real reason I am hating on him? Because he is cornea-searing fugly. Pretty shallow - and I admit has nothing to do with his basketball-playing skills at all - but how would you feel running into this guy in a dark alley?





Nba.com's bio on Kaman reports his favorite TV show is Friends and that his hobbies include working on cars and singing. Wow, someone please restrain me from wanting to rub my entire body over his pasty white skin and suspiciously ginger hair just to get him to sing for me. I am DYING to know what songs are his favorite at karaoke (bonus points for hilarious guesses in the comments section). He also "takes time each holiday season to go shopping for toys with children from Camp Ronald McDonald." I suspect each year several of the children mistake Kaman to be Ronald's older, drug-addicted, deadbeat brother Fugald.